4 months and then some

Not sure how many weeks Boo Boo is, but he turned four months last week on December 9th!

Here's what is happening:

Babble, babble, babble... I love hearing him talk to himself :)
DROOL (multiple bibs a day)
90th percentile for height and weight... 17 pounder and feeling it every time I pick him up which is a lot, he loves being in mama's arms!
STOMACH SLEEPING 12+ hours, once he figured out how to roll over sleep changed for this little munchkin, but now I have to figure out leaky diapers and last night he learned to roll back over onto his back which caused a small ruckus at 3:00 am. I was very anxious about it until I realized he would have it no other way
Playing, grabbing, reaching, interacting, standing
I think he is HUNGRY and he is starting to notice mama's food... I might start him on rice cereal sooner than I expected

13-14 week update

So much to update, so little time with a more alert baby!

Milestones:
Booboo is cooing up a storm
More alert
Taking very short naps, ugh
Reaching and playing with toys
Obsessed with his thumb if not trying to shove both hands in his mouth
...and last but not least on night four of cry it out :( We'll both be in great shape when this is over!
DRINKING a ton!!! Like two 9 ounce bottles and two over 6 ounce bottles, such a big boy

In my news my post partum anxiety reached it's highest point a week ago and Mo got bronchitis so we are chilling out in CT and going on lots of outings

Today

On this rainy day at just past 11 weeks Hudson decided to be developmental. He didn't protest tummy time, and held his head up for a bit. He decided instead of staring at his hand all day that it was going to go into his mouth all day. He is reaching for things, touching them, and grabbing/holding onto toys placed nearby him. Now if only we could work on getting through bottles without crying!

10 weeks!

He's slept 7 hours straight, three times now and some 6 hour stretches in the past week. Here's to improving sleep for my beautiful baby boy. Mama is so strict about sticking to the 7-7 schedule, but I think he'll benefit in the long run when we're both better rested ;P

9 week milestones

Baby Hudson:

Drools
Smiles and talks through bottles (he is not an efficient eater!)
Imitates me talking to him! I get "hiiiis" and "ooooos" back depending on which I choose
Discovering his hand, it's fascinating to him!
Waking up once a night (kind of sort of with my help/pacifier to push him to 6)
LOVES the mobile, love, love, loves to kick and talk to it

He does coo!!!

"Ah-gooo" and "oooo" and lots and lots of gummy smiles are the best thing to ever happen to me in this lifetime. It will never get old, especially to help make it through a 3 am feeding. I love my baby!!! He is getting more alert, but needs his nap an hour after eating. He is now doing exclusive formula and his stomach is adjusting well to it after a week! The first time he went a day without pooping was distressing until I realized how normal it is and even more convenient. We have a new bedtime routine and middle of the night routine that he can eat completely un-swaddled and get out all his stretches then we put him down in the perfected swaddle and lay our hands on his tummy. Half the time he falls asleep the other half of the time he needs a pacifier ten minutes later... it's a work in progress :) For three days in a row he has jumped to five hour sleep stretches and I hope it continues to improve! Something about this eight week mark feels like a turning point. I am more and more put together and less and less "exhausted." Yes I am exhausted, but not to the point of tears. I am so excited for the next month of developments. And, yes, I have somehow become the burp master and it feels oh so good :)

I thought babies were supposed to "coo" and other thoughts :)

My baby likes to be a dinosaur!!! He likes to make noises and loudly... fart, poop, eat. He also likes to take his time stretching very dramatically for about five minutes before he officially gets up. Is it gross that we are obsessed with his dirty diapers, especially blow outs!!! It makes us so proud. He doesn't wake up from a nap or sleep without crying. And he is the best snuggler EVER.

Hudson does things big and proud. He has started making little vowel noises this week and grabbing onto things, especially my hair, with lots of gusto. He squirms around while he eats, very deliberately taking his time and he LOVES getting his diaper changed and bath time... tummy time not so much even though he is shockingly good at picking up his neck and rolling over already.

He projectile vomited a couple of times after meals (our fault for not doing a proper burp) and it scared the crap out of me that so much could come out of something so little, but he didn't even cry. He does cry however when we put him down in his crib half the time... he really really hates going down for a nap. By the 12:00 feeding every day, though, he sleeps like a champ! Getting him back down after a night feeding is hit or miss. Will he pass out or does he need to be picked up one or two times... The ergo gets him every time, though, or in our arms ;)

He is a chunky monkey, and I could eat him for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He still likes to wake up every three hours from his last feeding, but once in a while he will grace me with longer periods of sleep a couple times a week during the night. He needs to be swaddled so his hands don't wake him up, but he escapes from it just about every other time.

He sleeps in his crib at night but during the day we put him in his stroller basinett and he always moves his body diagonally so his head and feet are touching the side.

He enjoys the pacifier now and then for soothing, but doesn't do a very good job of keeping it in his mouth. He will take boob milk in a bottle or formula, hot, or cold, he doesn't care as long as he is getting fed.

My favorite time is burp time! Not only does he often belch really loudly, but I love the look on his face as he puts his mouth into a little "O" shape, stares at my painting above the couch, and sticks his little tushy out into the air.

I love him so much that it hurts... literally. The first week I was terrified I wouldn't be able to take care of him or give him everything he needed. But we are slowly learning all sorts of things about each other. Although I can't wait to get back into a routine where I am not scarfing food down here and there, showering for more than two seconds, getting steadier sleep... but I get SO excited for him to wake up because I miss him so much!

I kiss his little acne cheeks, I stare into his big eyes while he gobbles food, and my heart keeps melting more and more every day.

40.5 weeks and a Birth Story

By 38 weeks I was starting to feel real shifts in my body. At my doctors appointment that Monday they told me I was not dilated but starting to efface and that I should plan on going overdue like most first times moms. Even though work was close by, and I was only working half days, my body was telling me it had enough. My stomach was upset, my appetite was coming in waves, I felt light headed, my Braxton hicks were picking up in intensity and frequency… by Thursday I was done with work. Mo and I had an amazing date night, walked around the flatiron, topped it off with frozen yogurt, and returned home to watch 24. I am glad I got so many episodes in because I think it will be a while until I can watch tv again and settle into baby routine ☺

So Friday morning I wake up at 7 am as I feel liquid coming out of me. I stand up and more liquid. Every 30 minutes… gush. My water must have broken! I start panicking, thinking about the reality of labor. No contractions, just an aching aching back. Mo and I gather up our stuff and head to the hospital convinced we are about to have a baby. But a few hours later and multiple tests confirm there is no amniotic fluid. WHAT?! What happened? The fluid had stopped by 11 am and I thought I had lost my mind a bit.

Confused, but trusting the doctors, we return home. But the rest of the weekend is funky! I start having “show” which usually signifies the beginning of labor, and at night the normally tight Braxton hicks contractions are becoming more painful. I can still sleep through them but I pause every time I get one. I am trying not to read too much into any of this because I know how unpredictable labor is and I am not even dilated! As this leads up to Sunday night, once again the painful Braxton hicks start up again. In fact, as I am talking to Megan on the phone I stop to pause as a strong one comes on. I have a few more strong ones, try not to think about it, and go to sleep around 12. By 2 am I am awakened by a really strong contraction… and this continues every 10 minutes for the rest of the night. No sleep for me! By Monday am they are still coming every 10 minutes apart and I am EXHAUSTED.

Contractions continue through the morning and afternoon, and they don’t stop but the rhythm is unpredictable between 3-10 minutes. I know they have to be 5 minutes apart to go to the hospital and I also know I have been in early labor for over 12 hours and I am not progressing to longer, stronger, and closer together like they taught in the class and at the doctors office. Am I really in labor?? I had to convince Mo to stay home from work, and I was almost ready to send him back to the office, feeling guilty it might be another false alarm. I am worried that I will need pitocin to speed things up, or that I will be in pain, without sleep for a full week in a long early labor. I decide to go to the hospital no matter what by 8 pm to get checked but also to explore induction options because the idea of these painful contractions without another night of sleep is enough to put me over the edge ☺ But something shifts around 5 pm. For a full hour they are 5 minutes apart! It’s go time and I feel a little more hopeful this is it. We leave for the hospital an hour later but keep the hospital bags in the car not to jinx it.

I am 2 centimeters dilated with strong contractions and almost completely effaced. I am in labor! We can be admitted! Even though I am not that dilated, the contractions are strong enough that there is no need to send me home. I can either settle into my room or go for a walk. We choose to go for a walk and grab our bags. We sit down at a diner to get my last bite of food/energy but the contractions are getting stronger and it’s hot. So we grab a frozen yogurt for me and a bag of snacks for the night as I have to pause on the street to work and breath through contractions. On the way back to the hospital I actually have to collapse on Mo’s back in front of a group of homeless people to get through a contraction. Now I understand my body is moving into active labor and by the time we settle into our amazing room and meet our amazing nurse I have already become 4 centimeters. I breathe through contractions for the next hour or so and our families surprise us to say hello. We sit and joke and as a strong contraction comes on I stop and take long deep breaths and wiggle my hips to get more comfortable. My labor was mainly in my back but powerful. In retrospect that birth class was a complete waste of time and money, I'm glad we didn't stay through the whole class and I am also glad we didn't hire a doula since I knew I would rely on the epidural and I had done really well on my own through the "easier" parts. By midnight, after 24 hours of early labor, I decide to get the epidural and give my body a chance to relax. Other than confusing and slow, labor was really enjoyable and empowering. I would not be afraid to go through it again and all my fears about it were unnecessary.

Mo goes to sleep and I try to sleep. I am no longer in pain but I have nerves and my body still feels like it is going through major shifts. I try to relax as much as I can and get a couple hour. Also, I’m not crazy about the epidural. I’m not numb from the waist down, I can move and shift, but it’s a weird sensation. At 7 am I am 7 centimeters and they break my water. I rest and relax and panic just a little bit as I start thinking about the potential for pain as I push, it’s getting close. At 10 am I am 9 centimeters but they want to wait as long as possible for the head to get down as low as possible so that I won't have to do as much pushing work. I am also feeling some intense pockets of pain with the contractions that the epidural doesn’t cover but stay calm and breath through them. I add a little dosage of epidural and apply heat packs. I don’t want to add too much more epidural because I don’t like the way it makes me feel. I am sure by 12:00 pm that I am 10 centimeters and ready, but my doctor is delivering another baby and they say unless I feel a huge urge to go to the bathroom, it’s just giving the baby more time to descend. Well pretty soon I am feeling the huge urge to go to the bathroom, and I know I am really, really ready. I am receiving oxygen and relaxing while Mo is pacing the room smiling and panicking all at once and I am so ready to be done with labor that I am no longer nervous.

Our new, amazing nurse goes to get the doctor and they give me a boost of confidence that they can tell I am going to be a fast pusher, that I will do great, and I decide I will prove them right. It’s a great room, a great nurse and doctor, and she shows me how I am going to push and on the next big contraction I bare down. And I do, and I had NO idea how much energy it would take!!! It’s the most energy I have exerted in my life but such an adrenaline rush and on the first push the baby descends down into the canal and by the second push I can feel it between my legs! And it doesn’t hurt! I feel pressure and I feel powerful, but I am not in pain. We are all laughing and joking between pushes and I think it’s this good energy that keeps me going. By another 15 minutes of good pushing the head is out!!! And they ask me if I want to look and I definitely don’t want to because I don’t want to get freaked out and I am enjoying the experience so much more than I imagined. It's not like the movies at all. Mo looks, but only to see the baby from a far away angle, since we had decided he would stay by my head the whole time. And they tell me the baby has dark hair which gives me even more energy to want to meet it. I know they are prepping to cut me and I am okay with it and after a few more minutes my baby is out and they hold him up so I can see it’s a boy and WATERWORKS. I feel an immediate, bond, love, and gratitude for the little man that has joined our lives as he lays on my chest and we sob together.

39 weeks

The baby is coming, and we think soon, but even though I have every symptom of pre labor in the books there is still a possibility I will of course go past my due date. The past two nights I've had "painful" contractions I can talk and breathe through that last several hours and then are gone the next morning and then there's all the other stuff you don't want to write about even in a semi-private blog. Here's what two people look like who think the water has broken and that they will be having a baby in the next day... still don't understand what happened but going to file it under mystery pre labor body wackiness:

ps - we LOOOOVVVVVEEEE 24, Mo watches season 2 on the big computer with headphones while I am just starting season 4 on the couch with the laptop so we can still be in the same room. Our Saturday night was clearly a wild one.

Counting down...

When will you arrive?
Are you a boy or girl?
What will you look like?
Who will you act like?
Will we be good parents?
What is sleep deprivation like?
How much will labor hurt?

38 Weeks

37 Weeks

Here we are, two days early but I'm going to consider it FULL TERM, so crazy! Heat waves in NYC are so much more worse than being this pregnant.

You know you're 9 months pregnant when...

*it's easier to push something under the couch or stove with your toes than pick it up
*you constantly bump into everything with your stomach because you forget how far out it sticks (reminder, do not stand that close to the stove!)
*your thighs begin to swish swish up against each other even as you waddle (which usually involves your legs being very far apart)
*you would go and buy plastic forks and paper plates to avoid doing dishes but that would involve getting up to go to Duane Reade!
*your nightstand now has creepy baby books instead of the usual summer reads (and it's not like you really remember what you read the night or week before anyhow)
*you no longer feel guilty about the extra cookie
*your favorite month used to be summer, but now just thinking about going outside makes you feel sweaty
*its not just swollen feet and hands, but lips, too (who would have thought)
*you really stop worrying about what you look like
*eating and blow-drying your hair makes you a lil out of breath
*speaking of eating, sometimes there's just no room left for dinner in there...
*you can't go to the bathroom, grocery store, anywhere without everybody asking about your pregnancy, I get it, I would do the same but...
*shaving? hahaha

I think the best part about entering the NINTH month, though, is that it gets you really excited to push out your baby :P

30 days until DD

DD = due date which is such an approximation because who knows when this baby will come! Here I am in ALL my GLORY

Halloween in the summer!

35 Weeks

I'm doing pretty well considering it's hard to do very much with the heat and being all tired/hugely pregnant. I really feel pressure in my legs when I stand for more than a minute and wonder what it will feel like when the baby drops. We found a pediatrician, we have all our gear, and I think we just need to figure out infant cpr now. Mo is pushing me to figure out a push present but I really can't think of anything material I want... just my body back but more importantly a healthy baby (that loves to sleep, eat, and smile :) We have our growth ultrasound Friday and start weekly appointments. After all that 30-32 week contraction drama I am starting to feel my body is enjoying playing tricks on me and I will go overdue. C'mon 36 weeks!

NESTING at 34 Weeks

I feel so much better to be in the home stretch. I am not sure what is scarier -- the idea of another 6 weeks of pregnancy or becoming new parents!!! We're very open about our nerves, and also very excited. I'm just glad to have Mo as a partner in this because even when he drives me crazy I really appreciate his passion, energy, and endless amounts of love. This week was all about NESTING. I watched Mo build a lamb swing, stroller, and crib... while I sat in the rocking chair and ate gluten free chocolate chip cake. I contributed by washing all the little clothes and blankets we are starting out with. I am happy that all I need to buy now are a few wash cloths, burp cloths, and the breast pump, hah. I'll probably pack my hospital bag tomorrow. With such a busy week I haven't had time to think about labor... my body is getting ready (I still feel I have a few weeks and could even go past due) but even with cramps this weekend, we had a great time together before all the craziness.

Blue skies

It's not all doom and gloom over here! The humidity cleared out, I ordered gluten free cookies and cake from Tulus and don't feel guilty about eating half of it in one sitting, and the crib is coming tomorrow... the little train that could :)

33 Weeks

I'm not going to lie, I'm not comfortable, I already wrote about being tired, and reflux is severe. C'mon 34 weeks!!!

Pregnancy is no joke

I am soooo tired. I feel tired from 8 am when I wake up until 11 am, functional until early evening (if it's a good day), and then by 7 I feel like a zomby again. I don't know why I took these pictures for Mo this week, but I felt like he should know that this is real deal exhaustion. I think I've been tired for about 7 months and I get nervous about how I will deal with real sleep deprivation and a newborn... I mean right now I can sleep sitting up (middle of the night heart burn) but what if I fall asleep breast feeding or become one of those extremely cranky mamas, when I always make fun of the angry looking women and their bugaboos in the city. And yes my face is swollen.

8 months, ohhh baby

Okay little Baby Beler... keep cooking! Strong, frequent braxton hicks brought me back to labor and delivery this week and I am glad I failed another FFN test http://www.ffntest.com/

Now I just really want to make 34 weeks, and then 36 weeks, and then keep cookin... watch me go over my due date. I have to start working half days at the office and generally take it easier which isn't hard to do considering I can walk about the pace of a turtle and have constant back pressure. Since I am carrying all out front it's been more than a little difficult to hold myself up and move myself forward, not just on my back but on my legs, too. But at least I am still enjoying sleep :) I'm getting everything organized/ordered and staying calm, we love you little baby. And speaking of baby, check out those lips, all I can say is WOW. And in exciting pregnancy news, baby is head down, with legs crossed up which is great for a natural delivery and I'm not getting kicked in the ribs yet.

Best Memo

I got this email and Mo told me to post on blog so we would make sure to have it saved somewhere to read:

21 Memos From Your Child

1. Don’t spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not have all I ask for. I am only testing you.
2. Don’t be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it, it makes me feel secure.
3. Don’t let me form bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.
4. Don’t make me feel smaller than I am. It only makes me behave stupidly “big”.
5. Don’t correct me in front of people if you can help it. I’ll take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.
6. Don’t make me feel all of my mistakes are sins. It upsets my sense of values.
7. Don’t protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way, sometimes.
8. Don’t be upset when I say “I hate you”. It isn’t you I hate, but your power to thwart me.
9. Don’t take too much notice of my small ailments. Sometimes they get me the attention I need.
10. Don’t nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.
11. Don’t forget that I can’t explain myself as well as I should like. This is why I’m not always very accurate.
12. Don’t make rash promises. Remember that I feel badly let down when promises are broken.
13. Don’t tax my honesty too much. I am easily frightened into telling lies.
14. Don’t be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.
15. Don’t tell me my fears are silly. They are terribly real to me and you can do much to reassure me if you try to understand.
16. Don’t put me off when I ask questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.
17. Don’t ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too great a shock when I discover that you are neither.
18. Don’t ever think it is beneath your dignity to apologize to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm toward you.
19. Don’t forget how quickly I am growing up. It must be very difficult to keep pace with me, but please try.
20. Don’t forget I love experimenting. I couldn’t do without it, so please be patient with it.
21. Don’t forget that I can’t thrive without lots of understanding and unconditional love, but I don’t need to tell you that, do I?

For real

Don't come early!!! But 2 more months of growth, yowza...
No matter how difficult it gets, it's all for the best cause, I will forget it, and I probably will even miss it!

30 Weeks

Wow, what a week...

...severe back problems, a hospital visit, and a diagnosis of an "irritable uterus" but I am not in preterm labor. I cried a lot this week and I'm starting to feel tired again... it's definitely third trimester. Other than all that craziness not many complaints... I am SO clutzy and I crave sweet things and chocolate which is making it harder to eat healthy.

I'd just really like for this week to be better :)

The glamorous side of pregnancy

29 Weeks

We celebrated our 2 year anniversary in NYC with tapas and a rooftop sunset and then spent part of Memorial Day Weekend in the Hudson Valley. Since I need to use the bathroom about every 30 minutes I can say that the town of Rhinebeck keeps them very clean. The highlight of the trip was all about the amazing meals. I had two mini meltdowns this week when I realized I was going to be extremely pregnant in extreme heat and humidity and when my back started to really hurt, like barely being able to walk hurt... sorbet sundaes, lavender baths, and massages helped lift my spirits a lot! My taste buds have taken a big turn towards sweet recently. Oh yea, and if one more person tells me it's going to be a hot summer I need to start thinking of a good response that will shut them up!

28 Weeks!

Why helllo third trimester, please don't be too hard on me! This second trimester felt really substantial and while I don't want the time to fly by, I hope it doesn't drag or get too uncomfortable in this home stretch. We got a to-do list but I would like to wrap it up this month:
*interview pediatricians
*take birth class/cpr
*order the essentials
*hope I pass the glucose test
*and while it felt a little early we picked up the babies "going home" outfit this weekend and it was a nice step to take

And happy two year wedding anniversary to my baby-daddy-to-be!!! You opened up my eyes to this amazing world and I didn't know how much I would want to start a family until we began our lives together. We're going to have so much fun on this next adventure, and I am so thrilled we ended up together... one lucky kid to have you as a dad!

...also, it was a little weird to see my pre-baby body in the wedding pictures, part of me wonders if I was so exhausted for so long because of all the stretching and widening my body had to do.

Wowza

Will it ever look like week 6 again :) It's okay baby, you're worth it, all I wanted at the beginning of the first trimester was a nice, fat bump

27 weeks, 3 months left, a 29th birthday, and an egg-shaped belly...

**feeling excited, nervous, peaceful, and major heartburn all at once**